The Truth About Abusive Relationships

No one goes into a relationship expecting to become the victim of domestic abuse. However, statistics show that 1 in 4 women will be the victim of an abusive relationship at some point in their lives. The abuse may be emotional, physical, or both. Regardless of the type, abusive relationships are more common than society would like to think. They occur in every race and in every social class. The abuse lives emotional and physical scars that will last a lifetime. I have friends who are the victims of abuse in their relationships. I have seen the bruises, the guilt that they did something to deserve it, and the hope that it will never happen again. It is heartbreaking to see anyone go through that type of situation.

Why do people stay in abusive relationships? Some stay for financial reasons or because of the children. Others stay because they fear they will be killed if they attempt to leave. Most stay because the abuse has worn down their self-esteem. They believe they deserve the abuse. Many defend their abuser and try to hide what is going on.

Abusive relationships can happen to anyone, and to any age. It is amazing how many junior high and high school girls are in or have been abused by their boyfriends. Sadly, for some of these girls the cycle continues with each boy they date. Further leading them to believe it is their fault. Exposure to such abuse going on with their own parents can lead them to believe that is a normal part of a relationship.

While it is not as well publicized or acknowledged, males also suffer physical and emotional abuse from women. Most men are embarrassed to reveal what is going on, and live with the shame of it rather than seeking any type of help.

The worst cases of abuse in relationships are those where both physical and emotional abuse are occurring. It is much harder to get the victim to see the whole picture and leave in these types of relationships. The result is the abuse continues to escalate, and sadly often ends when someone ends up getting killed.

We have all seen the headlines of such tragic endings, and wonder why the victim didn’t leave. Friends and family often feel responsible because they knew but did not push the victim to leave or seek help. On the other hand, society also takes the attitude that the victim chose to stay, and therefore let it happen. Do you realistically think anyone consciously decides to be in an abusive relationship? It is a cycle that slowly builds until it is out of control. It may start with a rude comment or a slap. Then escalate to constant belittling, beatings, chocking, etc. By that time the victim has been beat down emotionally and has no self worth to motivate them. They do not see that they deserve better.

I think it takes a very strong person to live in an abusive relationship. They often do not realize it, but they have endured so much on a daily basis. It is extremely difficult to walk away from an abusive relationship, but it can be done. We can all do our part by watching for the signs of abuse in our friends and family. We can also help by supporting domestic violence shelters and advocating for harsher laws for abusers.